I’ve been meaning to write this blog for a while, because for too long now we have been hearing of how ‘provocation’ often results in sexual assault. Too many people claim that ‘men just get provoked in certain situations and cannot help themselves’ in too much of a matter-of-fact manner and it simply does not make any sense. Somehow we end up using this as a statistic for increased sexual assaults in an area, drawing a parallel to how ‘provocatively’ people in that area may be dressing; and this then leads into the whole “if you want to avoid their gaze you must cover up” argument.

What we seem to forget with this it’s just how men are argument is that the society never just is, it is conditioned into being a certain way. Social conditioning of a society is responsible for the principles that the society will adopt. Whatever is validated and normalized will be accepted as a norm in that particular society, and whatever will be spoken against and actively rejected will be discarded from that society. Hence, by accepting that men just get provoked, what we’re actually saying is that it is not possible for men to be any other way, which is obviously not true. In fact, there exist more men who can in fact control this apparently undeniable urge to sexually assault other people who in some way provoke men. So if there must be a norm, technically it would be that men do not possess that insuppressible urge and can, in fact, ‘control themselves’.

Yet, as a society, we believe that a certain kind of attire can provoke men. Why? We believe that because we believe society believes that.

Think about that for a second.

Would the same kind of attire invoke the aggressive assault it invokes on, say, a beach? Probably not at the same degree, because the society normalizes it. If there was something in men that ensured they could not help themselves, as many people seem to claim, then the beaches across the world would be site for constant non-stop harassment and sexual assault, which is, at least to that degree, not the case.

In fact, provocation does not simply have to do with the way a person dresses up. A closer look at the word tells us that it refers to something that ‘arouses, stimulates or instigates’. It could be anything from what a person is wearing, to how a person talks, to something as menial as what are a certain persons’ set of values. It can even pertain to something unchangeable like a person’s education/religious/regional background or maybe the skin colour. It does not have to do with what action is taken after, say, a person is provoked, however; what provocation leads to is completely dependent on what as a society we accept. For example, I may not personally like the colour yellow too much, maybe because I for some reason connect it to fire and anguish, hence a person wearing a yellow tee-shirt would technically provoke me. It is not societally acceptable, however, for me to go to that person and punch them in the face. In fact, I wouldn’t even try to state that as a reason if I do in fact end up punching that person in the face, because I would know that’s not the way things work.

But when we’re talking of sexual assault, we feel we can talk about how the persons’ attire has a role to play in the actions that followed. This is not because men are designed in a certain way, but because this is what the society has accepted and normalized.

This is because the fact is because even though we understand what provocation means, there is a difference in how we treat sexual assaults as compared to physical assaults. Even though we understand that it is not alright to physically assault someone no matter what the provocation may or may not have been, the same idea somehow does not apply to rapes and sexual assaults. We tend to look at the victim’s attire, their company and the time of the day because somewhere, as a society, we still believe that sexual assaults are just something that happens, that men cannot help, something we just cannot stop. It is through this acceptance that we normalize it in the first place.

The fact is, the society needs to actively reject these notions. That is the only way out. We often question the validity of ‘speaking out’ against violence, and we underestimate what a simple act of active rejection can do. It can do wonders, since historically it has been the active rejection or condemnation by the society in large numbers that has led to shaping how people in that society live today. This is the reason sometimes it is alright to protest against an idea not necessarily demanding action from the government (although we should do that as well), because sometimes, it is through a protest that a society can actively get together and reject an idea that has long been accepted as a norm.

This is what we mean when we talk about ‘working on the mindset’; and this is not as ridiculous a notion as it seems when we just think about changing the way people think. In fact, it is very possible. It is through constantly raising your voice and protesting against an idea that like-minded individuals can join us and that is how a society is formed in the first place. What we need is active condemnation, but not of the so called modernization and western culture, but of the way we think about issues in context with sexual assault and rape.

So go out and protest. Raise your voice everywhere you can, and stop normalizing the idea that it is logical for someone to get sexually assaulted if they were dressed in a certain way. Yes, people have a right to express their discomfort or voice their disapproval with a certain attire, but no one, and we mean absolutely no one has the right to invade someone’s personal space physically or otherwise based on what may or may not provoke them. The only way this can happen is if we make it happen, and it is not as ludicrous as it seems.

We are society, and we can change what we believe society believes simply by believing differently and advocating for it.